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Fun loving couple looking for others to hangout with. We have 4 German Shepard's How would you spend $86,400 daily? Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest; Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your private account for your use. However, this prize has rules as any game has certain rules. The first set of rules would be: • Everything that you didn’t spend during the day would be taken away from you. • You may not simply transfer money into some other account. • You may only spend it. • Each morning upon awakening, the bank opnes your account with another $86,400.00 for that day. The second set of rules: • The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say, It’s over, the game is over! It can close the account and you will not receive a new one. What would you personally do? You would buy anything and everything you wanted right? Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love, right? Even for people you don’t know, because you couldn’t possibly spend it all on yourself, right? ACTUALLY this GAME is REALITY! Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can’t seem to see it. The MAGICAL BANK is TIME! Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life, and when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time in NOT credited to us. What we haven’t lived up that day is forever lost. Yesterday is forever gone. Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time…..WITHOUT WARNING. SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds? Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars. Think about that, and always think of this: Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think. So take care of yourself, be happy, love deeply and enjoy life! Here’s wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day. Start spending now. O O |\\,O_ |\\___O _|./.’|_ _|_|’| Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak. I'm likely to experience random acts of hatefulness.... That's only because my asshole is not perfectly shaped to accept smoke being blown up it..... Sorry.... Maybe you'll find someone else who has an ass that accepts shotguns from your bullshit pipe! Hate monogamy when it's a rule...Love monogamy when it's a byproduct of knowing there's nobody on earth I'd rather be with... When I saw you I was afraid to meet you. When I met you I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you, I am afraid to lose you Nothing lasts forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off, avoid the bullshit, dance like no one's watching,take chances and have no regrets, because at one point, everything you did was exactly what you wanted. It takes more than good memory to have good memories. If we want to enjoy the rainbow, we will have to endure the rain. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off. Don't make someone a priority when you are only an option Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes… Your destiny. Life is not about riding out the storms, Lifes about learning to dance in the rain. Nothing takes the past away like the future. As high as I fly, is as far as I fall. Be civil to all, social with many and known by few. ---- Ben Franklin Most people dream of happiness, other stay awake and make it happen. I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm on my own. Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take , but by the number of moments that take your breath away. “There are four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.” Don Juan deMarco (1995) and remember my sentimental friend, a heart is not judged by how much it loves but by how much it is loved by others ________,-~-. ___.--.__ .-~-,_______ _______/ .- ,'__________'. -.\\_______ _______\\ ' /'__________' \\ '/________ ________'-/___'a___a'___\\-'________ _________|____,'(_)'.____|_________ _________\\___( ._|_.)___/_________ __________\\___'.__,'___/__________ __________.-'._______,'-.__________ ________,'__,'___'-'___'.__'.________ _______/___/___________\\___\\____ _____,'____/_____________\\___'.___ ___,'_____|______________|____'.___ __|_____,'|_____ o_______|'._____| __ ___'.__,'_.-\\____________/-._'.__,'___ _________/_'._________,'__\\_______ __.""-._,'______'._:_,'_______'.,-"".__ _/_,-._'_______)___(________'_,-.__\\_ Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land. Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land." Today, the government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land to China! I was so depressed last night thinking about my retirement, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was then connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got really excited and asked if I could drive a truck...... After all those years I'm still in this chair. Doesn't that give you some kind of responsibility, Jane? You wouldn't be able to do these awful things to me if I weren't still in this chair! But you are, Blanche! You are in that chair! And tell me what are these awful things I'm supposed to be doing to you? Well I meant you wouldn't have to work so hard. And I was thinking maybe Elvira could come in more often. Maybe she could even live with us. We don't need Elvira! But you get so tired, you... There's so much to do and you're not well. Maybe you're right. Maybe I should get a check-up or something. That would be wonderful! Perhaps we can, we can find a really good doctor. We could get hold of that nice Dr. Shelby, couldn't we? Let's see...what's his number again? "UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES TELL MY SISTER THE CONTENTS OF THIS NOTE.“ It's not me that needs a doctor, Blanche! 1.When you are sad – I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way. 2. When you are blue – I will dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile – I will know you finally got laid. 4. When you are scared – I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 5. When you are worried – I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. 6. When you are confused – I will use little words. 7. When you are sick – Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want to catch whatever you have. 8. When you fall – I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. 9. When you make out with a really goofy guy…gargle and move on. 10. This is my oath…..I pledge it to the end. “Why?” you may ask?, “Because you are my friend.” (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (!) a tight ass (_*_) a sore ass {_!_} a swishy ass (_o_) an ass that’s been around (_x_) kiss my ass (_X_) leave my ass alone (_zzz_) a tired ass (_E=mc2_) a smart ass (_$_) money coming out the ass (_?_) dumb ass (_&_) your ass is taken (_^_) kick your ass {__8__} a woman’s ass (_69_) eat my ass, I’ll eat your ass (_#_) your ass’s days are numbered and remember, if you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass! THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD... Well, it's shit.... That's right, shit! Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, And tell others to eat shit. Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shinola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan. You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit. Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, And some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit. You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.. You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle. Sometimes your breath smells like shit Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language. And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!! You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit! Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day without a bunch of shit.. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head........... Well, Shit Happens!!! HOPE YOUR SHITTY DAYS ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN Oh, and somedays you can't shit! Always keep people in your life that charge your battery, not those who will drain it. _________________________________________________________ I don't know Jack Schitt !... Does anyone know Jack Schitt ? For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack,. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanshile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them. Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt REMEMBER: LAUGHING LOWERS THE BLOOD PRESSURE. Ciao Bello Mio and Besame Mucho | |
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